Before I was diagnosed with Leukemia in 2017, I was already sick, and I suffered from anxiety and depression and I felt stuck and lost.
In college I was so sure that what I wanted was to be an actress. But I realized towards the end of my college career, that I hated auditioning. I didn't want to play that game, and I had a really hard time with rejection and I took it really personally.
So, after gaining a Bachelor's degree in Theater Arts, I ended up working at Starbucks for 5 years. Even though I became a shift supervisor during that time, I was often made fun of for my job. When I started dating my now husband Chris, he was a banker at Wells Fargo. I remember we went to a mortgage event because Chris was interested in getting into that area of the company. There was a woman that was wandering around with her husband and she asked me what I did for work and I told her the truth, and she literally laughed at me and made fun of me. I will never forget that moment, because it was when I decided to start to try to shift my life. It was time for a change.
I started to try and find my passion. What was I excited about, what would really light me up? What could I do that I would really enjoy? What is funny, is that I chose acting because I wanted to be an astronaut and was told I couldn't due to my eye sight, so I thought, well if I am an actor I can be act like whomever I want. I thought it would be so expansive to be an actor because I could literally be anything. So, as I struggled and struggled to really find something that would light me up, all I knew is that I wanted to help people. One day I had an epiphany, and I decided that since I was struggling so hard to find my passion that I should help others find their passion. So, while still working at Starbucks, I started a Master's degree program at the University of the Rockies. It was an online program where I was able to study psychology with an emphasis on Career Counseling and Career Management. The program was 2-3 years depending on how many classes you took at once. I finished in about 2.5 years. And when I received my degree I was so excited to get started in my field that I started to apply right away!
Unfortunately, every place I tried to apply to wouldn't even interview me because they were looking for people with 5 or more years experience. I felt like I didn't even have a chance. So here I was, 60,000 further in student loan debt and no prospects. Again, I was back to feeling alone, stuck and depressed. After a while, I decided that I couldn't waste my degree. I took it upon myself to start my own business because it seemed like the only way I could possibly gain the experience needed to get one of these jobs. And then One Stop Resume Shop was born. My good friend was doing web design at the time and he got me all set up with a nice website, a blog, and a business email. I started advertising on Facebook and created a business page, but knowing nothing about advertising I was getting very few clients.
Luckily, I found this amazing site called fiverr.com. It was relatively new at the time and the market wasn't saturated yet as it is today. It was a site where you could sell anything you wanted for $5.00. I was the only one offering Resume Re-writes on the site with the credentials that I had. So I got pretty popular, pretty fast. Eventually I got overwhelmed with the amount of business I was getting since I was also still working at Starbucks, so I asked my sister to join me and help me out. We had some professional photos made and became the faces of the business. We got really busy for a while. It was fun an exciting work and we had so much fun doing it together! We even started a side business on Fiverr where we would serenade people with little videos of us singing songs to people. It also was a popular offer, but as fate would have it, we made a little mistake on fiverr and they decided that we should be banned for life. We apologized, we said we'd never do it again, but it didn't matter, they were holding a grudge, no second chances. So we lost our business, We just couldn't figure out how to advertise outside of Fiverr.com. Eventually we had to shut down the business,
When One Stop Resume Shop died I knew I needed a new plan. I started to think again about what I'd want to do, and a friend told me that she worked at a place called the Minnesota Autism Center. So I looked into it and realized that with my degree I would be able to work as a Behavioral Therapist. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but I loved the title and working with kids 1 on 1 all day seemed like it would be fun, So I applied, and I was so thankful for my degree, because without it I wouldn't have gotten the job. This was when I started to phase out of Starbucks. At first, I loved my job. It was unique and different and challenging and creative. I made relationships with my kids that I worked with, the staff, and management. But after about a year of working there, the kids I worked with started to get more aggressive and management started to get more mean. I still had friends in the staff I worked with, but it wasn't enough to make me stay. I was coming home crying every day with bite marks and scratches all over me.
To try and save myself a bit of the stress, I worked it out with a friend of mine to split our shifts so that her and I could both work part-time. This also gave me more time to search for and interview for a different job. I was desperate to find a new position. I was lucky enough to find a job at a place where my friend worked called Thomas Allen. It was a step up from my current job. It was working with adults who are disabled and I'd be managing a program, it was also higher pay. So I took the job, I was so excited to start, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into, The manager who I thought seemed really cool and kind at first became toxic and not helpful. I did not last more than 6 months before I frantically accepted a temp job, where my sister also worked, at a company called Virtual Radiologic.
My husband was very unhappy with me, but I had to get out of that extremely toxic environment. I took this job out of desperation and it was far outside my scope of joy. It was data entry. So basically pretty boring, At first the job was great! I loved my co-workers, my trainer and my manager. It was also great to share lunches with my sister even though she was in a separate department. It was a great company, They treated us well, offering little parties and happy hours and group walks during work hours, I felt lucky to work there. Then things turned for the worst. My trainer and manager were both promoted. The trainer that I previously loved became a terrible micro-manager to the point that she would watch my company chat to see if I was at my computer or not. If I left for any reason I'd come back to a message from her asking where I had gone and saying I shouldn't be leaving my desk. I felt like a prisoner, shackled to my desk, She'd even message me if I went to print stuff which was part of my job. I had to start putting an away message saying what I was doing in order to appease her.
I wasn't even the only one having a bad time there. Several others came to me with similar complaints even in different departments, or from people who had already left because the job was too high stress for them. Eventually they made up reasons to fire my sister and I and several others who they deemed as a "problem" to the company. My sister and I were totally wrecked by the whole situation. We felt defeated, depressed, and were both unemployed for several months. After having 3 toxic jobs in a row, I was done. It was time to finally get a job in my field and I was determined.
I took all the free classes at the county unemployment center and I was even introduced to a book by a former co-worker called "You Are a Badass" by Jen Sincero. It was my first introduction to the idea of positive thinking and manifesting things into your life. It was a game changer! After many failed attempts at getting a job that I wanted, I finally got an interview at a company called Resource which now goes by Avivo. This job sounded perfect for me. It fit all of my previous experience plus roped in my Master's degree. I wanted this job so bad. So I applied and you know what I did? I used the amazing manifesting visualization techniques from the book. I pulled in the interview first, and then the day of the interview, I set the intention and visualized myself getting the job. And guess what? I got it! I was to be the new Career Navigator for Resource! I would run and assist in the computer lab, help with group classes, and assist people with disabilities and low-income in procuring a job.
I was so excited for this amazing opportunity. I finally had something that lit me up. I loved my manager, my co-workers, all the people I worked with, and this company even encouraged you to eat lunch outside and take regular walks during the day. I did not feel chained to my desk and it was a wonderful feeling! But something didn't feel right. It wasn't the job, but my eyes were acting weird, I was seeing spots, and I had bruises all over my legs, and things felt off physically, but I kept thinking it was nothing. I had been a hypochondriac in the past so I thought it was all in my head.
Eventually, after about 4 months with the company, I went to the doctor after having a tough time breathing at an outdoor event I was at. I told her about the bruises and the breathing and the eye spots and she agreed that we needed to do some blood work. I got the labs done and went home.
That night, my husband was making dinner and I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. Normally I wouldn't answer, but this time I did and it was the on-call doctor who had looked at my lab results and he told me I needed to get the ER immediately. My white blood cells looked all wonky, my hemoglobin was super low and so were my platelets. They were worried about Leukemia. I didn't believe it, it couldn't be true. People don't actually get Leukemia, I thought. I didn't think my husband would believe me if I told him, so I made the doctor repeat what he told me to my husband.
My husband stopped making dinner and rushed me to the University of Minnesota Hospital which is one of the most well known hospitals for treating this kind of thing. The doctor called ahead for us. We were taken back immediately. They took more tests there to double check everything and in the mean time, also gave me fluids and a blood transfusion. Then the hematologist came in and said that they were certain it was, in fact, Leukemia and that I would be admitted to the hospital. I was in shock, I told my husband that I felt like I was in a nightmare. I hoped I would wake up from it soon. But that's not what happened. So here I was, trying to shift my life for the better and I finally have a job I love and then I get diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness. The universe seemingly had other plans for me. When I look back at all of this, I think about why I needed this extra shove. And I think it's because, I was shifting too slowly, and I was still stuck in my patterns even thought I didn't realized it at the time. Cancer was a jolt to my life, a shock to my system and got me to make bigger shifts which created faster changes. Was it pleasant? Fuck no! It was terrible and I wish it on no one. But, some believe that before you re-incarnate on this planet you come up with a plan. I feel like my soul came up with a plan to jolt me if I wasn't waking up fast enough, if I wasn't seeing what I needed to see.
I went through my first chemo like a champ with barely any complications. I was well taken care of by the wonderful nursing staff in the BMT unit and I wouldn't have traded that experience for anything. After my initial chemo there was no sign of disease but they always recommend 3 months of consolidation chemo which is mostly outpatient. I went along and did this, I did end up with a few complications, in one case I got an infection which landed me in the hospital for a few weeks, and for one of the treatments my blood levels dropped so low that I had a seizure of some sort. All in all it went well and I was left with the thought that I was done. I had made it through!
But, no, as it turns out, I was not done, The following summer in July, the same month I was diagnosed a year earlier, I was in the doctors office again because I was having trouble breathing and it turns out I was relapsing. I was in the hospital for another month getting a more intense chemotherapy. Lots more infections this time and I was having stomach reactions to the chemo so I ended up not being able to eat and had IV nutrition, It was awful. Again I was taken care of by wonderful staff and all my needs were met as I pushed through. I made it to the end as was told that although I was cancer free, because I had relapsed, I now required a Bone Marrow Transplant. I didn't like the idea of that, I started to research ways to heal myself. They were drastic dietary changes. Like just eating raw fruit or just drinking a crap ton of carrot juice. I knew if I had the motivation I could heal myself. I read all the books. I came across a guy named Chris who beat cancer, he has loads of info online and a book stating how he did it and even programs to help you through. I was ready to do it. But the doctors kept telling my family that the likelihood I would die if I didn't go through with it was very high. It scared them. So even though, I knew deep down that healing myself with diet was the right path for me, I folded, I didn't listen to my gut. For them, my family; friends, and my loving husband, I went through with the Bone Marrow Transplant. I cried a lot. It meant more really tough chemotherapy, and the possibility of dying during transplant or afterwards from complications or something called Graft vs Host disease.
I had to do the treatment away from home. About 2 hours to a place called Rochester, MN. The program at Mayo Clinic was the only one my insurance would cover. We got super lucky and got a free 2 bedroom apartment that connected to the clinic via skyways. During this time I needed constant supervision, so my parents and my husband split the time and worked from Rochester. A few friends and other family members filled in where they could. My sister was my donor, she was a 10/10 match. I was excited because I figured that meant that I had less of a chance of having graft vs host disease. She was able to use the apartment when she went to donate her cells and had her own adventure with that. I am still so grateful to her for gifting me life. After her donation was complete, it was my turn to move in, We moved in and shortly after I was to be at the hospital for my chemo and then my transplant.
During this chemo I got to the point that my mouth hurt so bad from mouth sores that I couldn't eat. They kept trying to get me to eat, but I couldn't. They kept me hydrated, but for about 2 weeks straight I ate very little. My husband was very concerned and he told the doctors that he didn't like that I wasn't eating, but the doctor said that this happens and that once my blood counts came back up, the sores would go away. It felt like forever, but eventually they did come up and the sores did go away. When my numbers were recovered, it was transplant day. I was getting my sister's cells. They told me this part was easy. just a transfusion and then I could go back to the apartment and rest with daily visits to the clinic to check in on me. Well, it wasn't so easy for me. I had an extreme headache during the transfusion. There was nothing anyone could do. They tried to offer me narcotics, but I knew those would make me feel worse. So I dealt with it. When the infusion was over, the headache finally dissipated. I was allowed to leave shortly after that, but that night I was feeling some pain in my chest. I called the nurse line and they said I should come in. Turns out I was having a heart attack and I ended up in the ICU. After about a week of being in the hospital, I was finally allowed to get back to the apartment.
It was a long haul, it felt like forever, I soon got very sick of my loss of taste from the chemo (this happens). It was hard to get enough food in. The doctors were worried about me getting enough protein and calories and begged me to eat meat. I had gone vegan at the time of my diagnosis, and I refused to eat meat. I did agree to eat dairy and eggs during that time though. It was all that I could stomach and regardless of what I ate I was mostly forcing it down. My constant snack was ritz crackers and cottage cheese. For some reason I could taste most of that so I ate it a lot. Everything else either tasted like nothing or tasted funny. The taste problem did eventually go away and I was very grateful for that. During this time in the apartment, I decided I still wanted to help people, but not just help them, to heal them.
While in the hospital I received Reiki healing many times from volunteers and hospital chaplains. It was wonderful and I wanted to offer the same thing when I was well enough to do so. So I started taking an online reiki course, since in person was not really doable for me at the time. I was able to get certified in reiki as a level one practitioner. I was very excited about this and it was the start of an amazing journey.
Fast forward to December 2018. I wanted to be at my niece's 1st birthday and I begged my doctor to let me go and he did. As long as I was careful. I had to wear a mask and I didn't stay long. But I was so happy to be there and watch her open my gifts to her. We left as soon as we noticed some kids there with some pretty nasty coughs. Luckily, I didn't get ill. We started to transition from the apartment back home. And I was doing pretty good for a while. Then in April of 2019, I started to notice some lumps forming. One was on the right side of my head the other was on my chest. We brought them to the doctor's attention and found out that they were sarcomas, meaning cancer that was hiding and now is showing itself. At first they didn't hurt, but then they started to cause extreme pain. this time I did accept the narcotics even though they made me feel terribly nauseated. We found out the hard way that I also had a sarcoma in my spine. This left me bed ridden and in extreme amounts of pain going through my left leg. I could barely move and eventually had to be transported to Mayo Clinic in an ambulance because I couldn't sit up straight. After being evaluated I was signed up for radiation therapy to get rid of the sarcomas and along with it, the pain. I did 5 rounds of radiation to assist with the sarcomas. After the radiation was finished the pain had subsided and I was so grateful.
Because of the sarcomas my oncologist at Mayo recommended another round of chemo. I was comfortable with his recommendation because it was a chemo I had before and it was something I knew my body could handle. But, I decided I wanted to be treated at University of Minnesota because it was closer to home and I had a wider network of support there. It was the wrong decision. They chose a much more intense chemotherapy that ended up almost killing me and had the most complications including another trip to the ICU, and the inability to eat, and loss of taste again. I had several infections during the chemo and my blood counts were very slow to rise. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks.
I survived through somehow. At the end of my chemo I was very very weak. I had dropped down to 97 pounds and had lost a lot of bone and muscle mass. When I went in for my check up a few weeks after I had been discharged from the hospital. She told me that even though I was clear from cancer, she felt that I needed to be on what I call "Forever Chemo". This is the kind of chemo you stay on until you die. At the time I had no idea how to truly listen to my body, but in this case both me and my body said "Fuck No" to any more chemo. I knew me and my body could not handle one more drop of that stuff. So I said no and immediately fired my doctor. She also discouraged me from going on a trip to California to a raw vegan retreat, but I went against doctors orders.
My husband and I went to California in September 2019 to a place called Optimum Health Institute which I will from now on, refer to as, OHI. This was a place that focused on mind, body, and soul healing. All I really understood about the 3 weeks we signed on for, was that we would be eating organic, raw, vegan food the whole time. Due to my situation, I had to go to a local clinic for labs every few days. Another part of this retreat was colonics and juicing, but I was too weak to do either of these because my blood pressure kept dropping really low. I was also still in a wheel chair at the beginning and couldn't even walk across the lawn to the main eating areas. I knew my body needed this. It needed to detox from the chemo. So I strictly stuck to the raw diet, but at first it was a struggle because the food was so flavorless. There was no salt, sugar, or oil allowed. All the dressings and sauces were made from blended up vegetables and some spices. We were allowed to add spices to our food, but no salt or pepper.
After the first week, I started to feel a bit stronger and the food started to taste better. I started to crave a raw cucumber and my husband started to crave their cherry tomatoes. They also started to have a few more exciting meals later on, like a raw pizza, and some zucchini rollups. Every Friday morning people could share their stories about why they came to OHI and it was amazing and touching to hear whey everyone was there. The first Friday we were there for this, Chris went up and told my cancer story and how hard it has been for him and everyone in the room cried, including me. Every Friday night there was a talent show and anyone could participate. For the first one, I think Chris sang a song. I don't think I was in that one. But it was fun to support him and it was fun to see everyone's talents.
The second week was a bit easier, we had started to get our grip on things, we saw counselors, had massages, and took the classes. Every day there was some light lymphatic exercises. As I got stronger I was able to do more. By the end of week 2 I was mostly out of the wheelchair. And do you know how I did it? It was mind over matter. I told myself that I could do it, and so I did. Simple as that! After that I only used the wheelchair for longer trips. That Friday, I got the guts to tell a bit about my story and the work I had been doing at OHI. I told them that I came there to detox from the chemo that almost killed me and that I really just figured I was waiting to die. But then during meditation time on the retreat, I kept seeing this vision of my family with me in Mexico, including my little niece and she was running and yelling and telling me to catch her. So, in the vision, I chase her down the beach as she is laughing and giggling. I realized, at that moment, that I wanted to live. And that she was my reason to keep on living. I want to see her grow up and be there for her.
As I told this story I cried, and every... single.. person.. in that room stood up and clapped. I was in shock. I couldn't believe that my story was that touching. I remember getting chills all over my body and every time I think about it, I get chills again. That evening, Chris and I performed a duet. It was so fun. We did Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours". We got some major audience love. I realized how much I missed singing in that moment.
Another week went by. We ate more vegan and raw organic foods and I felt more alive and better than I'd felt in years. I will never forget when we went to a farmers market nearby and I was being pushed in my wheelchair by my husband and I was bald and just showing it. This woman came up to me with a bouquet of flowers and just gave them to me saying something like "Bless you, and I hope this brightens your day." And it did and I will never forget that. Remember, as you read this, just a small act of kindness can be HUGE and cause a a ripple effect. If you are still with me and reading this, randomly compliment a stranger today, or do a random act of kindness.
For our last Friday, Chris and I performed a swing dance for the talent show and I sang an old song that I had sang in my college years called "In my own little Corner" from Cinderella. I loved every moment of it. On Sunday of that week. we checked out and went on to meet up with family. We stuck to healthy vegan eating for the most part, but staying raw was really tough. We enjoyed our time with family and then spent a bit more time in California after they left and then went on to Colorado to visit friends for a few days. It was very fun. The whole trip was just what I needed. We eventually returned home after about 2 months away. That trip saved my life. I was finally listening to my gut, my body, and my soul. And guess what? It has now been 2 and a half years and I have ZERO cancer in my body!
Would I say that the Raw Vegan Diet for 3 weeks cured me? No. Would I say that the diet plus showing up for myself, and having a strong reason to live cured me? 100%! I highly recommend reading the book Radical Remission if you or anyone else is suffering from a fatal or potentially fatal disease.
While on my trip, before we went to Colorado, I started
having some symptoms of graft vs host disease. It effects soft tissues in the
body first. So my sister’s cells started to attack my mouth. I had painful
sores that were making it difficult to eat, so my doctor said that the fastest
way to deal with this while I was out of town was to get me on high dose prednisone.
I trusted the doctor and started this drug without knowing the long-term
effects of it. I started to gain weight very quickly, I had severe depression
and anxiety from the drug and struggled with sleep. I begged the doctor to get
me off, but it was a long haul to taper off the drug. I ended up being on it
for a year. At the end of the time of me being on the drug, I had gone from 97
pounds to 170 pounds. I had what they called Prednisone belly, which looks like
a pregnant belly, along with a very puffed out face, which many in the Prednisone
world call “Moon Face”. I started to
have major body image issues and sometimes when I was at my lowest, I just
wanted to die. Once tapered off the drug, the doctors promised me that my weight
would re-distribute and the pregnant belly and the moon face would go away. But
it did not, I still have strange face shape and I still have a pregnant belly.
Which is kind of depressing sometimes because after all the treatments I have
been on I was forced into early menopause and am unable to have children even
if I want to .
The Graft vs Host disease effects my vagina, my skin, my
mouth, and my eyes. My vagina has now closed up and I am told that in order for
it to be open again I would have to go through a very painful surgery. My skin
has gotten extremely thick and tight in some areas, making it difficult to move.
I get sores in my mouth, but not as bad as they were during chemotherapy, and I
also have severe dry eyes that burn and
are often blurry.
To remedy this I am on a medication that is also an immune suppression
drug, it’s main side effects are weight gain, and high cholesterol. I am doing all
that I can do heal the Graft Vs Host Disease so I can get off this drug and
drop the weight I’ve been unable to get rid of since Prednisone. Every single
healer is also healing. That’s just how it works. Even if you have healed every
major physical ailment there is always something to learn or to improve upon.
There is always growth to be had and trauma to healed. There are always
emotions to be released.
So you might ask, what happened after all that? I continued o grow spiritually, I joined amazing spiritual group that really spoke to me and through that group took a Quantum Healing course so I could better assist others in their healing journeys, I met loads of new and wonderful friends who I became close to through taking this course with them,
And now I'm ready to help anyone who is ready to step up to the plate to shift and change their lives. To get out of old patterns, to let go of old beliefs, to find their passion and finally live the life of their dreams.
So, if you feel ready for that.... You can book a session with myself, my business partner Lynn or both of us together for some magical healing and shifting.
Check out our website below!
